


The Love We Feel Special Chapters

by DistinctiveUsername, TaetonJaxon



Series: The Love We Feel [3]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: All I Want For Christmas is You by Mariah Carey, Anime Club, Christmas, Christmas Special, Christmas2, Disney, F/F, F/M, Fanfiction, Gen, Grinch References, Love, M/M, Marriage, Meme that went too far, Memes, Multi, Other, Overwatch - Freeform, Read The Love We Feel on Wattpad by DistinctiveUsername, Romance, Science, Special chapters, Specials, TLWF, TLWF2, Team Talon (Overwatch), The Love We Feel, Vsauce, Wars, Wizard of Oz References, valentines day
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2019-09-17 00:13:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16964127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DistinctiveUsername/pseuds/DistinctiveUsername, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaetonJaxon/pseuds/TaetonJaxon
Summary: Throughout the story, we wrote special chapters for special occasions. To avoid messing up the chapter numbers, we just put them in their own book. Many of the specials have to do with holidays and other things (Ex. We've done stuff for Valentine's Day, Christmas, and Halloween, if you count that one Wizard of Oz chapter as a Halloween chapter). Enjoy!





	1. How Talon Stole Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> TLWF1 Christmas Special

Everyone down in the Watchpoint liked Christmas a lot...  
but Talon, who lived just North of the Watchpoint, Did NOT!  
Talon hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!  
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reasons.

Eh, too bad I can’t write like this, you’re getting the usual stuff. 

In an Alternate Universe where everything in “The Love We Feel”™ is the same but it’s Christmas Eve all of a sudden, Talon is a bunch of grumpy pantses and Overwatch is being that one family on your block that is basically a Christmas atomic bomb.

“Ugh” Sombra ughed.

“Lol same tbh” Junkrat tbhed. 

All I Want For Christmas Is You could be heard playing from the Watchpoint in Sombra’s apartment. Everyone wanted to rip their eyes out because they all hated Christmas for various untold reasons.

“Wouldn’t it be nice if we could evily destroy Christmas?” Reaper reaped 

“Yeah sure, we have nothing else to do.” Doomfist shrugged. (lol u thought I was going to say fisted)

They all muahahaed at the same time as they hatched their scheme. Meanwhile at the Watchpoint Mei and Genji were destroying everyone’s eardrums. 

“OMG I LOVE CHRISTMAS” Genji screamed over Mariah Carey’s beautiful voice. 

“WHAT?” Mei screamed equally loud, but not loud enough. This cycle continued for 5 minutes until Mei got bored and left the room. 

Torbjorn didn’t allow anyone to eat that night because the Christmas feast would be larger than the mASS of the sun. Ana forced everyone to go the bed super early so she and Reinhardt could pretend to be Santa.

After everybody at Overwatch was fully sleeping, Talon began to enact their super evil scheme to destroy Christmas for all eternity.

“I want to be Santa.” Doomfist reached for the Santa costume that Sombra hacked out of the computer. 

“You can’t be Santa.” Sombra said slightly under her breath.

“Why?” Doomfist had super hearing.

Sombra looked Doomfist up and down. “Fine you can Santa. But only for today.” She wasn’t going to say more. 

“K.” Doomfist proceeded to put on the Santa costume. 

Junkrat and Reaper were forced to be elves. Sombra printed out elf ear cut outs for the both of them. Sombra was going to be a candy cane so she hacked her peppermint skin on. The last thing they needed was a reindeer so Sombra called up an Uber. 

Once Symmetra, the Uber driver, pulled up in front of Sombra’s apartment, all of Talon piled inside the car and placed a reindeer antler headband on Symmetra’s head. Then, they ordered her to drive to the Watchpoint. 

Symmetra was told by her boss not to kick anyone else out of her car or call them “unworthy” because of the Christmas Spirit™. She had to deal with all six of them crowded in her car and ignore the antlers on her head. 

Symmetra drove the car up on the roof because Reaper handed her a few extra dollars. They were fake. Everyone but Symmetra got out of the Uber. 

“Alright, Santa.” Sombra walked over to the chimney. “Go take away Christmas.” 

Doomfist looked down the chimney. “Uh, no.” 

“¿What do you mean, “Uh, no”?” Sombra whisper screamed because she didn’t want anyone to wake up. 

“I’m not getting soot all over me.” Doomfist crossed his arms. 

“Fine, Junkrat, you go.” Sombra pushed Junkrat down the chimney without warning because he was already covered in soot. She then threw a giant bag on top of him as he slid down the chimney. 

Junkrat slid down the chimney and crashed down to the bottom. He was greeted with 14 socks hanging down from the chimney ledge thing. Junkrat didn’t understand why there were socks filled with candy hanging from the chimney because he never celebrated Christmas because his dad was super poor. Maybe that’s why he hated Christmas so much. 

The Watchpoint looked like a three year old decorated a cupcake. There were ornaments and lights hanging from anything that would support them, Figures of Santa's, elves, nutcrackers, and angels were placed on shelves, and a Legolas action figure was the centerpiece of the table that was in the middle of the room that had a red and white snowflake table cloth. 

Junkrat sighed at all the work he had to do and looked at the bag that was thrown down with him wondering if everything would fit in it.

In the meantime, the rest of Talon stood on the roof waiting for Junkrat to climb back up the chimney. 

“¿So why do you hate Christmas so much, Reaper?” Sombra asked while she looked at her nails admiring the beautiful paint job that came with the peppermint skin she was wearing. 

“I-I can’t tell you!” Reaper said like a Tsundere anime girl. His reason was too embarrassing. He hated Christmas because he read a bad Attack on Titan Christmas fanfiction that scarred him for life. 

“Well I’ve hated Christmas ever since I found out Santa wasn’t real.” Sombra sighed. “I was hacking Roblox one day and it flashed the words “Santa ain’t real, kid.” and I never played Roblox again or celebrated Christmas.” 

Doomfist suddenly remembered why he hated Christmas. It all started back when he was “destroying” things in the mall. The mall Santa left his post just to tell Doomfist to leave but he accidentally touched Doomfist shoulder and disintegrated. Along with Santa, Doomfist’s Christmas spirit died. Never again will he ever love Christmas after what he did. He didn’t deserve to be jolly. 

Sombra had asked Doomfist why he hated Christmas while he was zoned out thinking about his tragic reasoning. “Never again.” was all he muttered and the rooftop became silent once more. 

Junkrat finished putting all the ornaments, lights, figures, presents and everything else Christmas related in the bag that surprisingly held all of it. All that was left was the giant Christmas tree. Junkrat had no other choice but to push it up the chimney because burning it would wake people up. 

Junkrat had the Christmas tree halfway up the chimney before someone snuck up behind him. “Junkrat, baby?” Mei murmured sleepily. “What are you doing?” 

“Uh…” Junkrat froze. “I’m stealing Christmas.”

 

“Oh okay.” Mei turned around and went back to her room. Junkrat wasn’t even sure she was even awake. 

Sombra thankfully heard the rustling of the tree coming up the chimney and hacked it to become big enough for the tree to fit with ease. The job was done. Christmas had been stolen. 

Everyone in Talon woke up early to hear the cries of pain and sorrow from the Watchpoint once they see that Christmas was stolen from them. Instead of sobbing, All I Want For Christmas Is You blasted. 

“No!” Reaper slammed his head against the wall. 

“¿How could you forget the radio?” Sombra super-slapped Junkrat. 

“Wait.” Doomfist opened the window to hear the music more clearly. “That isn’t Mariah Carey.” 

Everyone listened closer. The singing was actually coming from everyone at the Watchpoint. Talon listened closely to the lyrics. 

“I don't want a lot for Christmas  
There is just one thing I need  
I don't care about the presents  
Underneath the Christmas tree”

“There is no possible way to steal Christmas.” Doomfist sighed. “Because Christmas comes from the heart :).” 

“Make my wish come true oh  
All I want for Christmas is you”

The singing had become louder and louder. Sombra looked outside to see a parade block of everyone in Overwatch marching down the street. They were heading straight for Sombra’s apartment building. The instrumental music picked up from out of nowhere. 

“¡I think they know!” Sombra made herself invisible. 

“Let them come, I have the feeling no rootin tootin point and shooting will be happening today. If I finally accept what I’ve done, maybe that mall Santa didn’t die in vain.” Doomfist thought out loud.

“Awe that’s really sweet… wait what did you say about a mall Santa?” Reaper asked.

“Nothing. It’s not like my incredible sexyness literally vaporized a mall Santa while I was shopping for underwear.” Doomfist began to look for a distraction. Luckily Overwatch was almost upon them. 

The door flew open, and a heavenly glow flitted upon their faces.

“Um can we get our stuff back?” Mercy said. “If you give it back we’ll let you eat part of Torb’s infinite feast.” 

Doomfist left the room and came back with the bag of all Overwatch’s things and the Santa suit on. “Ho ho ho merry Chrittam” 

Mercy’s only reply was “Ok you can come over now, just promise that you won’t cause any trouble and that our various reasons for hating each other will continue so that the story can progress in that AU.”

“¿Huh?” Sombra became confused but suddenly she felt the Christmas spirit in her heart. It must’ve been that radioactive fruitcake that was in the sack of Overwatch’s shite but still; she felt the love. 

Then, everyone including Talon marched back to the Watchpoint singing All I Want For Christmas Is You. They all spent the most joyous and merry Christmas together singing All I Want For Christmas Is You over and over again. 

They were never the same again. 

 

End


	2. The Most Romantic Day of the Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TLWF 1 Valentine's Day Special Chapter
> 
>  
> 
> Special Guest: Vsauce

It was February 13th. Just one day away from Valentine's day and Hana and Lúcio’s wedding. Hana made invitations that she passed out to people that she pulled over. She was a cop and could do what she wants. 

Hana had about 100 invitations that she hadn’t handed out so she got into her police mech and pulled over random people for no reason even though it was her day off. She pulled over Symmetra the Uber driver with Mei and Junkrat in the back seat. They were returning from a date uwu. 

Symmetra rolled down her window and stared angrily at the police officer before her. Hana cheerfully passed Symmetra one of the invitations. “Ur invited 2 my wedding xD!” She spoke like a gamer girl. 

Symmetra opened her mouth to say something but Mei jumped in the front seat. “Are you just giving away invitations‽” She exclaimed with an interrobang. 

“LOL yea.” Hana laughed. “U want 1?” 

“I’ll take like 22!” 

Hana gladly handed Mei 22 invitations. Mei grinned because she finally had the perfect valentines gift for everyone. She gave some to Junkrat just in case Talon wanted to go. She waved goodbye to Hana as Symmetra sped off. Hana considered pulling her over again but remembered it was her day off so it wasn’t her problem. 

Hana spent the next 15 minutes trying to pull random people over and give them invitations but she got bored and let the invitations be carried by the wind (but there was no wind that day). She then returned to her 54 bedroom mansion with 12 swimming pools, 4 movie rooms, 9 ballrooms, a zoo, and 14 dining rooms that she shared with her fiance, Lúcio. 

Lúcio was remixing a super secret song that he planned to play for their first dance. He surprisingly heard Hana open the mansion doors through the blasting music. He quickly swept everything off his turntable as Hana walked the mile to get to their room. 

“Dang babe where've you been?” Lúcio asked nervously hoping his fiancee didn’t hear his surprise for her. 

“Passing out more invites ;3” Hana winkie faced. 

“Are you sure we can fit all our fans in the Hollywood map?” Lúcio asked. His fanbase plus Hana’s equaled about 3,270,890,297,830,289,345 {bit of an under exaggeration} people. He didn’t want to disappoint any of their fans by not letting them attend his wedding.

“Lol of course they can :D” Hana threw herself on their obese king sized bed. “And if not, the wedding will be televised!” 

“I guess you’re right.” Lúcio smiled 

*Time and Space Skip*

Meanwhile, at the watchpoint, everyone was on fire. Not literally but things were kind of crazy. Overwatch took holidays way too seriously and Valentine's day was no exception. Everyone took part in cutting out paper hearts and painting the walls pink and red. 

There was a little wooden mailbox in front of everyone’s bedroom door that were hung up by Command strip hooks™ so the walls wouldn’t get damaged. Ana made heart wreaths for each of the doors. They were made of plastic flowers from Hobby Lobby. The whole watchpoint looked like the lesbian flag puked all over it. 

Tracer was zipping by each of the mailboxes to put in her valentines for everyone. She almost bumped into Mei who was doing the same thing but slower. “Oops sorry, Mei.” Tracer beamed after she went back in time before they collided. 

“You need to chill out.” Mei laughed. Tracer tilted her head like a dog because she didn’t understand Mei’s meme. “This is the third time you’ve put things in the mailboxes.” Mei pointed out after she got done laughing. 

“Oh yeah, Holidays are great and I’m extra.” Tracer said as she slipped a piece of chocolate cake through the slim opening on Pharah’s mailbox. The cake literally exploded in her hand but she kept pushing the chocolate goop in. 

Mei hesitated before putting her valentine inside. She was disgusted and didn’t want to get chocolate all over the envelope but she didn’t want to look rude. She forced herself to stick the card into the pile of cake. 

“Are you and Emily going to do anything?” Mei asked to break the silence.

“We’re going out to watch Romance Night: Night of Romance!” Tracer said the title dramatically. Romance Night: Night of Romance was a book that was made into a video game that got a visual novel spin off and finally got adapted into a movie. It had a 84.3/10 review on RottenPotatoes. 

Mei didn’t know what Tracer was talking about because she was uncultured so she just said, “Oh that’s wonderful!” before moving on to the next door. Tracer followed and shoved cake into the slots after Mei put her card inside. 

Finally, they came across Winston’s door. It had no mailbox on it. Winston hated Valentine’s day because he was single. Nobody understood why he was so salty about being single. Tracer and Mei looked at each other before deciding to just slide their valentines under the door. 

“Don’t!” Mercy guardian angeled over to the two beings. “Last time someone tried that he had a mental breakdown.” 

“Why what happened?” Tracer gasped. 

“Some long and tragic backstory that would be spoilers for the future of this fanfiction” Mercy shook her head. 

Little did they know, Winston was standing behind his door listening to their conversation. A single tear fell into his fur because Valentine’s day was a painful day for him, as he was single. Only couples got to celebrate Valentine’s day. 

Winston waited for the trio to walk away before letting out a loud sob of despair and pain. “Oh why am I so single‽” He cried. “I can’t even eat chocolate!” That was another reason why he hated Valentine’s day. Chocolate would kill him. 

At the same time Winston was contemplating his singleness, Mei sat alone at the Watchpoint dinner table. She usually sat next to Winston but he didn’t show up. She felt bad for him. She wished he wasn’t so sad about being single. 

“What’s wrong, Mei?” Ana noticed Mei’s sad expression. 

“I’m just thinking about Winston.” Mei sighed. “I want him to be happy on the day of love.” 

“He always locks himself in his room on Valentine’s day” Reinhardt said as he ripped a roast pig in half. “He’s been like that for 10 years.” 

“We should do something that will make him realize that Valentine’s day isn’t about being in a relationship!” Emily shouted. “Let’s make one giant valentine that portrays all our platonic love!”

“That’s… actually a great idea.” Mercy thought for a moment. “But what should we do?” 

“Nothing too lovey dovey…” Tracer had the thinking emoji playing in her mind.. 

“Why don’t we make a cake that says Ur the best we all luv u?” Genji suggested. 

Everyone sat in silence contemplating the suggestion. Everyone said “That’s really dumb” at the same time. 

“Oh.” Genji said defeated.

“Why don’t we all just go to his room and tell him why he’s a good person. It’s a valentine’s gift where we’re the valentine.” Said {Insert Gay Weed Here}

“Yeehaw I got it” McCree yeehawed. ”Let’s invite Winston’s favorite YouTuber over to tell him that it’s ok to be single on Valentine’s day!” 

“That’s a perfect idea!” Everyone agreed in unison. 

Winston watched a lot of science YouTube videos because he was in the science fandom. His favorite YouTuber was Vsauce. He’s watched every single video and reads self insert Vsauce fanfics but only sometimes {lies he does all the time}. Vsauce is not dead. He is immortal because he discovered the key to hacking death out of the game but hasn’t revealed his secret to the world yet. 

Ana used her super cool mom powers to contact Vsauce using Twitter. She said “Hey @Vsauce my gorilla son is sad that he’s single on Valentine’s day. Can u please show him the light?” 

Everyone watching over Ana’s shoulder in anticipation as she refreshed her notifications over and over again, waiting for a response. Finally, after 10 minutes, Vsauce responded. “Sure. I’ll b there in liek 16 hours. Lol that’s 5.76e+13 nanoseconds.” 

“This is perfect!” Mei said. “Soon Winston will see the true meaning of Valentine’s day!” 

Everyone cheered until Ana held up her hand to silence the group. “Time for bed.”

“Ugh why?” Pharah groaned. “It’s like 6.” 

“Don’t sass me!” Ana shouted before sleeping Pharah. “You’ll stay up late because of all the candy you’re going to eat tomorrow.” Nobody said anything after that and went to bed. They were scared of being shot by Ana’s sleep darts. 

“Wow, it’s Valentine’s Day!” Mei shouted as she swung her door open in the morning. 

“Wow, you’re right!” Genji kicked down his own door {Overwatch likes to kill doors, stop them}. 

“Wow, now you’re paying for that!” Hanzo shouted angrily. 

“Wow, you’re not my dad! You’ve killed a door before too!” Genji yelled back. 

“Oh my god shut up!” Winston snapped from inside his room. 

Everyone suddenly remembered that Vsauce was going to come to the watchpoint. At that moment, there was a knock on the door. Tracer zipped down the hall and Mercy attempted to talk to Winston. 

“Wow V sausage!” Tracer exclaimed as she opened the door. 

Vsauce t-posed into the room as an audience cheered. “It’s Vsauce.” Then the laugh track played. 

“Oh, right” Tracer looked around because she didn’t know where the audience came from. Then she led him down the hall to Winston’s room. 

Mercy had failed to get him out. Vsauce stepped up to the door “Hey Vsauce, Michael here.” He said. There was a long pause. Mercy opened her mouth to say something but Vsauce held up his finger to silence her, and her lips disappeared. “I hear you hate Valentine’s day.”

Winston’s door slowly clicked open and he poked his head outside. At first he didn’t believe it but Vsauce was really there. “Wow are you really Michael Vsauce, the best YouTuber on YouTube?” 

“Yes” 

“Oh my goodness!” 

“Fun fact, kissing transfers 80 million germs from one partner to the other.” Vsauce stated. “Relationships are dumb and friendships are better because there are less germs being transferred between enjoying a friend’s company.” 

“You’re right.” Winston stepped out of his room. “Valentine’s day isn’t just for people in relationships, it’s for everyone to show how much they love each other.” 

Everyone cheered because Winston was cured thanks to Vsauce. Then everyone opened up their valentine mailboxes and Winston was given the valentines that were meant to be given to him. It was truly a magical day. 

“I can’t wait to go to Lúcio and Hana’s wedding.” McCree said after he read through the invitation Mei gave him. 

“Same! I thought it would be the best romantic place to be on Valentine’s day.” Mei high fived McCree. “But I know some of you guys already have plans…” 

“Actually, Tracer and I decided that the wedding is more important that Romance Night: Night of Romance. That movie is bad anyway.” Emily said. 

“Wow great!” 

The wedding would start at 9:00pm because 10:57 was so important to Lúcio. The Overwatch gang set off at about 8:40 just in case there was bad connection on the way to Hollywood. Winston decided to stay at the Watchpoint and chill with Vsauce so they could talk about science things. 

Mei built an icewall up to the roof of a building in Hollywood so she could get a good view of Lúcio and Hana’s marriage. To her surprise, Talon was on the roof too. 

“What are you doing here?” Mei asked. 

“Junkrat made us come.” Sombra groaned. 

Junkrat waved to Mei and Mei waved back. “Mind if I sit here too?” Mei asked. 

“Sure, why not?” Doomfist shrugged. “This is just an AU where there’s 0 beef between us.” 

“Wonderful.” Mei uwued. 

The wedding started and at exactly 10:57, Hana and Lúcio shared their first kiss as husband and wife. It was so romantic that all evil organizations such as GameStops and McDonald’s exploded, and half of the world’s population burned. Fireworks when off as Lúcio started playing a new mix that was specially made for Hana. It was truly the most romantic night of the year. 

Many billions died.


	3. The Primate of Oz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TLWF2 Welcome back chapter/Halloween Special Chapter Ig

McCree had just finished reading his self-insert McHanzo fanfiction. It was Fanfiction Night in the anime club, and everybody was showing their horrible writing styles off. Moira went first with her Persona 8 x Fire Emblem fanfiction (but it was only one word because she doesn't like fanfictions) and Hanzo had just finished his fanfiction too (it was just his real life story and how he got the dragons but it felt fake). Genji wasn’t there for reasons.

It was Reaper’s turn to present. When he got up to the presenter’s lawn chair, he pulled a 50 page book titled “The Primate of Oz” out of his infinite cloak. He cleared his nonexistent throat and flipped to page one of his fanfiction. 

“Once upon a time…” He started and the scene rippled into another universe. The fanfiction universe. Reaper explained that he skipped all the before the tornado biz just so he could get to the juicy bits. 

The scene started off with a normal looking girl standing in a colorful world with her dog. She was standing next to her perfectly intact house. “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.” the girl said to her dog.

“You’re in a much better world now.” A robotic voice said behind her. Dorothy spun around to face a munchkinyatta and more appeared from around the house and some bushes. “And it’s even better now that she’s dead.” He pointed to a pair of blue legs sticking out of the house. 

“Oh my goodness!” Dorothy gasped in the sweetest 1930’s sounding voice. 

“You saved us all!” another munchkinyatta cheered emotionlessly. “All she did was sit up in a tower and snipe us.”

Suddenly, a beautiful angelic girl descended from the sky. She hurriedly flew towards the woman under Dorothy’s house but stopped in her tracks right before she got there. “Darn the timer ran out.” She sighed almost sarcastically. “You’re not getting a rez this time.” 

The munchkinyattas continued cheering about the death of the blue lady. They danced {floated} around the angel as Dorothy stood awkwardly behind her. 

The woman turned around to fly away. “Oh, hello,” she said once she saw Dorothy. “You’re not from here, are you?” She inspected Dorothy with her unnaturally big anime eyes. They both looked very different from each other. Dorothy looked like a normal human being and the woman looked like a nendoroid. 

“No, I came here from Kansas. My name’s Dorothy and this is my dog, Toto.” Dorothy pointed at the little dog that was chasing after one of the munchkinyattas. 

The woman held out her hand. “I’m Mercy the good witch,” she said, “Welcome to Oz :)” She made a visible smiley face emoticon. Dorothy shook the good witch's hand. It was soft almost like plastic or something. 

“I’m sure you’re wondering how to return back to your world, correct?” Mercy smiled. “Well, like every variation of this story, just follow the yellow brick road and you’ll find yourself at Emerald City. I’m sure they’ll give you a ride back to Kansas.” 

Dorothy looked down. She was standing on a brick path in a swirl of three different colors all leading different directions. The munchkinyattas all started chanting “Just follow the yellow brick road.” and encouraged Dorothy to spiral around and go on her way down the yellow path. 

Instead of walking in a circle, Dorothy started to walk straight towards the yellow path. The munchkinyattas gasped in low health terror. With every step she took on a blue or red brick, a munchkinyatta died. The crowd went quiet as Dorothy quickly stepped back onto the yellow bricks. “Omg! I’m so sorry!” The munchkinyattas watched her as she spiraled around quickly to get out of the town as fast as possible. Mercy was shaking her head with a her hand on her face.

Dorothy started sprinting once she was on the straight yellow path. She continued running in hopes that no floating robot munchkins were chasing her to get revenge or something. 

She only stopped running once she came across the next plot point. A scarecrow laying face down on the ground. When it noticed that someone was approaching it started shouting for help. Dorothy screamed as the scarecrows floppy straw hands reached out for her foot. 

She kicked the scarecrow’s hand hard enough to flip him all the way over. “Thanks, mate. I couldn’t breath.” He gasped in an Australian accent. 

“Don’t do that!” Dorothy shouted angrily then started feeling a bit of sympathy for the straw man, “How long have you been on the ground?” 

“A couple of years.” The scarecrow would have shrugged but he was just a bundle of straw. “I have no bones. Mind helping me up and carrying me to like, McDonald’s or something.” 

“Sorry, I don’t have time to do that. I need to get to Emerald City or something so I can go home.” Dorothy said lifting the scarecrow off the ground and leaning him against a fence. 

“Wait! Emerald City‽“ The scarecrow flopped over again. “Maybe if I meet the wizard, he could give me bones!” 

“Wizard?” Dorothy asked.

“Yeah! He’s basically a god.” The scarecrow wiggled around. “You gotta carry me there. Pleaseee!” He begged. 

Dorothy looked down the long winding yellow brick road and then back to the heap of straw trapped in clothes. He wouldn't be heavy other than the two metal limbs he had for some reason but she could tell he’d be annoying. After a minute of staring at the scarecrow, she grumbled and lifted him over her shoulder as he thanked her over and over again. 

“The name’s Junkrat.” The scarecrow giggled when Dorothy started walking down the path once again. 

Junkrat was indeed annoying. The next 4 hours would be only him blabbering about his adventures with birds eating off of him. He even tried to turn the story into a musical but was quickly shut down by him realizing he couldn’t sing whatsoever. 

On the 5th hour, Dorothy finally figured out how to zone out whatever Junkrat was talking about. She was stuck in her own thoughts wondering why it seemed like the City wasn't getting any closer. Her thoughts were interrupted by a rustling in the bushes. Even Junkrat stopped talking to listen to the rustling. 

The rustling ceased and Dorothy sighed, “Maybe it’s a rabbit. I’ve seen every movie on the planet and it’s just-” She was interrupted by something wayyyyyyyyyy larger than a rabbit popping out of the bushes. It was a lion dressed like the Grim Reaper (or the Grim Reaper dressed like a lion) except 12 times worse. 

They all screamed. Junkrat, who was now on the ground because Dorothy threw him over her shoulder in fear, spoke up. “Wait, why are you screaming?” His words were muffled because he was face down. 

“You scared me!” The lion’s voice was gravely but it quivered with fear. 

“You scared us!” Dorothy protested. 

“S-sorry I’m looking for a special flower.” The lion rubbed his arm bashfully. “My boy’s low health and he needs a Healthpack flower.” 

Dorothy had no idea what the lion was talking about. She was going to ask what a Healthpack flower was until the lion gasped because he spotted one. He was so excited until he saw the ring of thorns around the plant. 

“I can’t get it :(“ he sighed. 

“What are you talking about? Of course you can!” Dorothy said. The thorns where only ankle high. “All you have to do is jump!”

“N-Nani?” said the Lion. 

“Do it,” Dorothy said.

The Lion had a metal mask on, but there was still sweat coming off of it. He looked towards the flower hidden behind the inch of brambles that barely reached the top of his scuffed J’s.

He turned frantically towards Dorothy, “B-But if I take damage, I’ll end up like my friend!”

“Just try...” Dorothy said. 

The Lion looked again towards the brambles. Although neither Dorothy or Junkrat could see, he actually shut his eyes so he couldn’t see the thorns that might accidentally prick his feetsies.

He took a tentative step forward and said, “Alright… here I go!” and then jumped majestically. 

Like everyone who has ever read anything might expect, he did indeed make it across, after about 300 different slow-mo shots of him majestically leaping over a bunch of sticks with pointy parts. When he finally landed on the other side 400 years later, or what seemed like 400 years to Dorothy, he was giggling in surprise. 

“I-I did it! Wow! It feels so good to conquer my fears!” He said this as he was picking the healthpack flower. Unfortunately when he turned back to face Dorothy and Junkrat, he again layed eyes on the baby rose bush. 

He began to whine and cry again, this time pointing at Dorothy while saying, “Y-you trapped me in here! I’ll never get out and I’ll die, die, die!” This devolved into generous weeping and he sat on the group like a child.

Dorothy sighed and asked, “Hey Junkrat, is it alright if I use your boneless body as a carpet so that this crybaby can get out of his prison?”

“Sure thing!” Junkrat responded, “I could use a good mass-age.” He said massage completely wrong and this was but another reason why Dorothy felt happy when she slammed him onto the pile of spiky leaves.

Reaper walked over Junkrat’s corpse like body, and he said, “Wow! Thanks Miss! I guess I’m not going to die today!” And then he remembered that his friend was in mortal danger and cursed his worse curse. 

“POOPY!” The Lion screamed and ran in the direction of the road. 

Dorothy let out an exasperated sigh, and picked up Junkrat. She just wanted to get back on the path to home, but that just so happened to coincide with the path of the Lion and his friend. She felt like an addition to their party was imminent and she didn’t like it one bit. Toto followed behind her, because he certainly wasn’t left in Yattaland like y’all thought. 

Unfortunately for her, she did find the Lion and his friend on the side of the road. His friend looked like a pile of glowing trash at first glance but when she looked at it harder the pile of glowing trash seemed to take on semi-human shape. 

The Lion was whispering to it, “Hey look, it’ll be alright. I got you a healthpack flower.”

The pile of garbage didn’t really respond, but it croaked slightly. Above its head, there was a bunch of numbers, to Dorothy it looked like 199/200. It didn’t make much sense to Dorothy, but the thing on the ground looked like it was in serious pain. 

The Lion rubbed what he called a heathpack flower all over the magic pile of garbage. Suddenly the thing that at one point looked like an autoshop gone wrong gone sexual, now actually looked like a man, albeit a very small man. It immediately started screaming.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA,” the trash man said. The scream didn’t seem like pain or anything, but actually happiness.

“I RETURN. FROM. D E A T H !” the automaton screamed.

The Lion clapped pretty loudly and started cheering. The trash man started doing the Floss. That was when Dorothy spoke up. 

“Excuse me,” she said in an irritated voice, “You’re in our way… Who exactly are you anyway‽”

The trash man turned and said, “I am the Tin Woodsman, but you can call me Genji. I am a being made of metal. I was once human, but my little bitch of a brother killed me and the Good Witch turned me into a living pile of metal. Nice to meet you!” he held out his hand. Dorothy didn’t shake but she kind of intrigued by the metal man. 

“Hmm. I guess it’s nice to meet you too Genji,” she said while still not shaking his hand, but she did lighten up a little. 

“Who exactly is this one over here?” she asked while pointing at the Lion. 

The Lion man shirked away from her but said, “I-i’m known as the Cowardly Lion of the Woods, but my real name is Reaper… my parents didn’t like me. My full name is Reaper J. ‘Ruiner of Dreams’ Reyes.” Reaper didn’t hold out his hand and in fact slightly imploded.

“Well then,” Dorothy said whilst rocking on her heels, “I guess that’s that.”

“Cool,” Genji said.

They stood there in awkward silence for a while and then Dorothy and Junkrat just kept going. About 30 yards away, Genji appeared from the mists of time right in front of her.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“Emerald City,” she said, not peeved in the slightest. She liked this powerful boy. 

“Cool… mind if we tag along. I would like to get my legs back and I hear this wizard could probably give it to me,” he said. 

“Ya sure,” Dorothy said. And thus the group was enhanced. 

They walked along for a long while, Reaper trailing behind because he was scared of the creature trailing his savior’s side. That dog looked like it could absolutely barf all over Reaper’s scuffed J’s. 

Suddenly, there was a change in setting! The YBR (Yellow Brick Road, God get with the times) went directly through a threatening forest. It made everyone extremely scared except for Reaper because it was dark like the shadows that whispered to him. It was the trees that scared him, not the forest; they were all arm-y. They all stood at the edge, trying to find a way around it. 

“I reaaaaaaaaaly don’t want to go in there,” Junkrat said. 

“Agreed,” Reaper and Dorothy both said. 

“How about we don’t even with this,” Genji said. 

“How?” Dorothy said curtly.

“What about this massive monster truck that’s just kind of sitting here running?” Genji asked.

“Better option,” Dorothy said as she climbed up the side of the truck. They all joined her. 

As Dorothy was driving through the forest (she had her provisional drivers license for monster trucks), a bunch of purple balls hit the edge of the car but they barely noticed.

They got out on the other side in a field of poppies. It was there that the monster truck ran out of gas and they had to get out. 

“Dag nabit,” Reaper said when everything broke down. 

When they exited the monster truck they could actually see the Emerald City in the distance and it raised all their spirits. They were so close to their goal… when suddenly, an Irish scream came out from behind them.

They all turned around and saw a red haired lady with purple balls floating around her. She was dressed in bad witch clothes. She seemed e x t r e m e l y angry. 

“HOW DARE YOU!” the witch screamed. 

She teleported closer to them, and in fact appeared a few feet away from them. Dorothy was about to ask something before the witch screamed again. 

“FIRST OF ALL YOU KILL MY NIECE, THEN WHEN I’M JUST ABOUT TO BRING YOU TO MY LAIR YOU JUST UP AND GET IN A MONSTER TRUCK!” she screamed more powerfully than ever, “I, MOIRA O’DEORAIN, THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST, WILL SMITE YOU DOWN!!!”

Dorothy was again about to speak, this time to assure the witch that she in fact did not mean to crush the purple lady, when the purple orbs went forward and enveloped them all. To Dorothy it just tickled like hell, but Reaper, Genji and Junkrat were all screaming. Dorothy was about to ask the witch to stop, politely of course, when a green laser came from the top of Emerald City and burned the witch to smithereens. Goodbye.

All her friends looked deflated and she feared they would never rise again but luckily the Good Witch was coming along on the YBR.

“Oh goodness!” Dorothy said.

“Hey,” Mercy, the Good Witch said. Then she revived them all and went back in the direction of Yattaland.

“Hey! Where are you going‽” Dorothy interrobanged. 

“The story needed me here, now it doesn’t and I’m going home to watch Breaking Bad,” the Witch responded. Dorothy didn’t respond in turn.

“Hey we are almost there, we should probably get going,” Genji said. 

“Prolly,” Junkboi said. And thus they went to the Emerald City. 

At the gates of Emerald City, there was a little ticket booth. The line was Disney-like in it’s proportion. The booth said, “GET YOUR TICKET TO SEE THE PRIMATE OF OZ!” in big bold, Willy Wonka letters at the top. 

“Ugh, with this line it will take foreeeeeeeever,” Junkrat said. 

“Leave this to me,” Genji said. He proceeded to pull out his katana. He waved it high in the air, as to attract the attention of the line people and yelled, “HEY! MAGIC GLOW STICK OVER HERE!” When everyone was looking at it for a while he threw it 40 miles away (1 Oz mile is equal to 12 centimeters). Everyone except the group of beings ran after the katana (they were all huge weebs). This included Toto, who never actually returned. He wasn’t missed. Kek. 

The heroes walked up to the ticket booth, they saw another Yatta floating inside the booth.

“The admittance costs 15 Yatta bucks,” the Yatta said with finality, as if he hadn’t just seen 50 people dispersed by a magic, glow in the dark, special edition, 2059 mint condition katana.

“Barnacles,” Reaper said.

“Wait just a second,” Junkrat said, “I think I might have something in my wallet.” He shuffled pitifully on Dorothy’s back trying to shake his wallet out of his pocket. Eventually it fell on the ground, and Dorothy picked it up and opened it.

“Jeppers!” Dorothy said, picking out a 1 Billion dollars in Yatta bucks. The Yatta buck just had a picture of the Yatta president on it, which was just a normal Yatta with a 13 foot long beard

“Yep!” Junkrat said, “What I lack in bones I make up for in financial solvency. I invest in the stock market you know!”

Dorothy was about to ask how that was even possible when gigantic trumpets played. They were loud, maybe even louder than Moira screaming at them. Maybe. After that the door opened. It opened on a green escalator. They went up it all with smiles on their faces, despite the fact that 3 of them were wearing masks of some sort. 

Eventually they came to a giant blue door that had KEEP OUT signs as well as things like NO GIRLS ALLOWED and BOYS ONLY ;). The doors opened for them with a trumpet fanfare that was even louder than the first one and definitely louder than Moira (the champion is defeated). Dorothy wondered if she was even allowed in but she went in anyway. Sexism didn’t exist in her time, she destroyed it. 

When they got inside they were all pleasantly surprised not to see a bunch of smoke and mirrors. The Primate of oz was sitting on a throne of empty peanut butter jars. It was a beautiful and disgusting sight. 

“Oh, Hello there,” The Primate waved with peanut butter still on his fingers.

“Hey,” Dorothy said.

“Let’s get down to the chase, I literally know everything about you,” the Primate started.

“Because you’re a magical being who’s vision is far and who’s kindness is farther?” Reaper asked.

“No. Surveillance cameras. Also me and the Good Witch are friends on FootLocker.com. We talked about you,” the Primate said. He slid down slowly from The Pile™ as he was saying this. 

“You want bones,” he pointed at Junkrat when he was on the ground, “Unfortunately I don’t have time to grow your bones so I’ll just give you a scooter.” The Primate pulled a scooter from underneath The Throne and gave it to Junkrat. 

Dorothy placed Junkrat on the scooter (it was electric so he could zoom places), and put his hands on the steering wheel. 

“Wow, thanks govnah’!” Junkrat said in the most Australian way possible, “Wait but how do I get down the escalato-”

“Moving on,” the Primate said, “you want your legs back. Fortunately for you I just happened to have a few laying around.” He rustled around under his throne again and pulled out a pair of legs and gave them to Genji.

“Neat,” Genji said, “How do I get them on?”

“You’ll figure it out,” the Primate said.

“I guess I will,” Genji said, looking at his newly acquired legs.

“And you,” the Primate said pointing at a shrinking Reaper, “is courage.”

“Actually I never said I wanted courage, all I want is for my parents to love me,” he said.

“Well, I can’t give you that,” the Primate said, “But I can actually give you courage, in the form of the ‘300 NEW Curse Words to Say Around the Workplace’ book.” He handed reaper the book that he had in his back pocket. 

Reaper opened up the book and said, “Heck. Wow thanks Mister, now I feel extra bad to the bone.”

“Lol np,” the Primate said.

He turned towards Dorothy and said, “And finally, you want to go home.”

“Ya sure,” Dorothy said, “But I wouldn’t mind some other stuff too.”

“Listen kid, you think I have legs just laying around?” the Primate asked ruefully. 

“What? Of course you do! And that’s not what I want,” Dorothy said, “See, I also want some nice boots.”

“Oh boots?” the Primate asked.

“Yes.”

“Ya sure I think I have some,” the Primate said before yumping up to the top deck of his totally awesome castle. He rummaged around in another pile of empty peanut butter jars and found a couple knee length boots. They were nice, fashionable and a perfect fit for Dorothy. Why Winston had is in a pile of empty peanut butter jars we may never know.He dropped down and gave Dorothy the boots. 

“Try these on,” he said. 

She did. They were a perfect fit and they were fashionable as fuck. She gave them all a little runway show of the boots. 

“Yas gurl,” the Primate said, “Work it!” He began giggling to himself and then became serious again. 

“Oh darn, forgot that we need to get you home,” he said. 

“Actually I’m good, I have everything I need in this world now,” she said.

“Lol too late I already phoned an Uber driver,” he said.

And then Dorothy began screaming NO at the top of her lungs like Darth Vader and the scene ends. 

 

Dorothy was awakened by a blast of powerful music coming from her leet gaming setup. It was the Overwatch theme song, the one she loved so much and listened too on loop for hours on end. She was not a farm girl from the 1700’s, but instead a powerful gamer/streamer who was recently signed on to the Overwatch League as the premier dps for London Spitfire who could switch over to Winston if they needed a tank or Moira if she was feeling saucy. Her BattleTag was D0r0thy#6969.

She must of fell asleep at her desktop from gaming so hard. When she finally woke up fully she remembered her dream. It was so weird! It was like she actually met all the people she happened to main. But that was impossible… right? She shrugged it off and put on her cat ear headset that every GirlGaymer® wears and began to wreck fellow gamers in her smurf account. 

All the while she was playing, she never noticed the amazingly fashionable shoes that she just happened to have on, and she never would. That world was a dream. Nothing more.

The end.

 

Reaper closed the 40000 page book of his fanfictions. There was generous applause from the others in the room, even Moira who just so happened to be the villain of the story. 

“Wow, that was brilliant,” Moira said.

“Thanks lol,” Reaper said.

“But wait,” McCree said, “Why did you write yourself with parental problems?”

“No reason,” Reaper said. 

“But um-” McCree said.

“No. Reason.” Reaper said.

“Cool,” McCree said. 

They all laughed and Moira gavelled the end of the Anime Club meeting for that night. They would meet a few days from then, when Genji came back from vacation. And there was plenty to tell Genji about, Reaper surmised, a lot had happened at the Watchpoint since he left…

The (real) End


	4. The Mad Scramble for Swiss Chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TLWF2 Valentine's Day Chapter

If you were to open the front door to the Watchpoint (in the dimension where all these special chapters take place) at exactly 2:15 AM, and walk 35 meters forward in a straight line down the entry hallway, then turn left, you would see a door. The door led into a broom closet with nothing in it but a single broom. This broom had the ability to float, seeing as it was a hover broom. That room isn’t important. 

Now, if you were to close that door and walk exactly 3 meters to your right, you would find another door. If you were to open this door you would open it into a labyrinthian cave of a size you wouldn’t believe possible only 3 meters away from a broom closet and only 35m away from the door. It kind of looked like that one cave from the end of National Treasure, with all the torches and such. And in the center of the room lay a stone table, with 7 hooded figures around it. These people were (in descending order of importance) Lúcio, Mercy, Moira, Reinhardt, Hanzo, Sombra, and finally Soldier 76’s obvious hologram replacement. These 6 (and Soldier I guess, but I don’t think he really counts) were brought together at 2:15 AM every month for one reason; the monthly meeting of OHCOC (Overwatch’s Holy Chamber of Commerce).

OHCOC was created by Ana and Doomfist for a very important purpose; as the constitution of the OHCOC states in its beginning pages: 

By the power invested in us as the fair and just leaders of this organization, we doth create this subcommittee for the purposes of buying the groceries once a month. The members of this branch of Overwatch™ will be held in high esteem, as the ones who aren’t lazy enough to go out to the grocery store and get us bread. The committee will be allocated 90% of the Overwatch budget to meet this end. SO DOTH SAY THE GOD-MASTERS OF OVERWATCH!

-Signed, Ana and Doomfist :)

And it was by this paragraph, and the following 3771 pages of the OHCOC constitution that these 6 were bound. 

But today was more than just any grocery run; it was February 13th, the day before Valentine’s Day, one of the most powerful days at the Watchpoint. The grocery list was filled to the brim with chocolates and flowers and other such Valentine’s gifts. But there was one thing on the list that made them all shiver. The final item on the list was the infamous Swiss chocolate, “Belgrade Fantastico Big Boy,” a chocolate so rare that it may have even been outside the reach of Overwatch. While usually they could have ignored the more fantastical orders (they got at least 3 orders for Mars Chips every month from Winston and they never got it for him), they could not ignore this. Below this request was the quaint yet powerful handwriting of Ana Amari. 

The note read:

If you don’t get me this, you will regret it.  
-Ana

“Ok,” Lúcio said from under his hood after reading Ana’s note, “This is epic.”

“I would disagree,” Mercy said. As the Swiss person in the room, she felt especially qualified to speak about her country’s most powerful artifact. “The ‘Belgrade Fantastico Big Boy’ is one of Switzerland’s greatest prizes. At least 100% of the Swiss military guards it 24/7, and it has never been seen outside of its gigantic vault inside the Alps. I don’t see how this is at all ‘epic’.”

“You’re right,” Lúcio said in a slightly flippant way. “But come on!” he emphasized. “Getting this chocolate may be the break this committee needs to escape from the shadows and into the forefront of our weird clique based organization!”

“Are you insane!” Reinhardt screamed after slamming his hands down on to the table. “This committee was made to be secret! If anyone found out how much we spent on food and not their paychecks, they would probably formally request to be purged from the payroll!” he said with un-Reinhardt like ingenuity. 

Sombra snorted. Listen who’s talking, she thought, the loudest man on planet Earth talks about secrets, ha! She didn’t say this out loud though. Rein scared her. 

Lúcio protested, “This thing would make our budget for the last 4 meetings look like a joke! Look, I think we should go for it; and besides, Ana wants it....” That was true. It was Ana asking for it. They didn’t want to be on her bad side, ever. 

“Still,” Mercy held firm, “I think it’s a foolish idea.”

“Not so,” Moira said from the shadows of her hood. She had fully embraced the look, even adding in a few edgy anime zippers to her cowl like in Kingdom Hearts. “That chocolate is more than just our ticket out of this cave, it’s our ticket to fortune. Hanzo! Please read page 2896, subsection A-6 of the OHCOC constitution, or the OHCOCC if you would prefer.”

Hanzo brought out the giant book holding the laws of their committee. He flipped to page 2896, subsection A-6 as quick as a flash, and put his finger over it. It read:

Subsection A-6

All committee members are allowed to use the Overwatch budget to get anything that’s requested. After that item is procured and placed in the pantry or refrigerator, any person can do whatever they want with that item, including selling it to others for OverBucks™®. OverBucks™®! We run a monopoly! 

Hanzo closed the book.

“I don’t get it...” Sombra moaned. She didn’t even want to be a part of this committee, and was only in it because Hanzo and Moira were there and they were basically her only friends besides McCree and Doomfist. 

“Well my child,” Moira began, “If we procure the Belgrade Fantastico Big Boy, and deliver it to Ana, we get nothing.”

“I don’t see how we could make fortunes off that, lol,” Sombra loled. 

“Well… what if as soon as we put in in the pantry, we take it out and sell it to her because we got to it first?” Moira stated. 

“¿Is that allowed?” Sombra asked a little more excited sounding.

“Yes,” Hanzo said. “Nothing in the OHCOCC says anything about us being corrupt.”

“Oh neat,” Sombra said. 

“Now wait a minute,” Mercy interjected, “Don’t you think that’s an easy way to face Ana’s wrath? And would it really be worth going against the military of an entire country?”

“Hmm, ya I’m seeing the issue here,” Lúcio said, “Not that I think we shouldn’t get it. But I think Ana would get peeved if we tried to screw her out of her chocolate.” 

“Certainly!” Moira said, “But she wouldn’t do anything we couldn’t handle! At worst we’d be grounded for 2 days! Think of the benefits! Great progress requires great risk!”

Meanwhile, Reinhardt was pretty quiet. After his one and only outburst of the meeting (which he was contractually obligated to make), he stood silently. He had never heard of the BFBB (Belgrade Fantastico Big Boy, if you forgot) before this meeting, but hearing the general discourse of the group he began to get hungry for it. And besides, Ana was probably going to give it to him anyway; why else would she be requesting it? Then, the reading of the Subsection A-6 cut through the greyness of his thoughts. It could be his, and sooner than he could have expected. Once they got it in the pantry, that Big Boy was free real estate and didn’t exactly have to go to the person who requested it. He began formulating his plan then, and began whispering into the holographic ear of his co-conspirator.

While Rein whispered his plan into thin air, Mercy and Moira’s argument became a game of Pikachu to settle who was right. By now they each had a hand on each others cheek and everyone else stood behind them cheering for who they thought was right as they did the final round of pikachu rock paper scissors. Sombra was applying the 6th layer of paint to her fingernails. She stopped caring about Moira and Mercy’s argument after they started playing Pikachu. She would’ve rather seen some hands thrown.

“Scissors!” Moira said, “I win!” She pinched both of Mercy’s cheeks and smiled triumphantly while Hanzo and Sombra politely clapped.

“Now,” she continued, “Let’s get that- where’s the German‽”

Reinhardt and Soldier 76’s obvious hologram were no longer at the stone table, and the door that opened to the labyrinth was broken off its hinges. 

“Shit,” Moira said and began running very quickly for the front door. Sombra and Hanzo chased after her. Mercy and Lúcio lagged behind a little bit, Lúcio because he was confused, Mercy because she was still rubbing her cheeks. 

“Should we… go after them?” Lúcio asked.

“Knowing them, Reinhardt has already started WW4,” Mercy said, “We might as well assess the damage.” And they began running to the front door as well. 

When they got outside they say Moira and her children lined up in front of the Overwatch parking place where they keep all their airships, looking up. Lúcio and Mercy stood next to them and looked in the same direction. What they saw was a 60 some year old German man standing in the door of a floating ship.

Despite the noise of the jets, Reinhardt could be heard at his normal 9000 decibels inside voice. He said, “Ah! You’re too late! We’ll be getting that chocolate before any of you! Oh, I can’t W A I T to taste it. Hehehehe!” The door of the ship began to close then, and it began to rev up to take off into the 2 am dusk. How the ship was even doing that with nobody at the helm was mind blowing to begin with, unless you believe that a hologram can pilot a ship.

“Damn it all!” Moira yelled, “He’s going to eat our fortune! Children, we need to get on that ship! Sombra‽”

“Already on it,” Sombra said as she hacked Hanzo, Moira, and herself onto the ship, leaving Lúcio and Mercy staring concernedly at the quickly speeding away ship. 

“They’re doomed,” Mercy said while pinching the bridge of her nose. 

“Are we going after them?” Lúcio asked.

“I don’t see how,” Mercy said, “Winston crashed all the ships but that one last week, and we don’t get the new ships from Amazon for a couple of days.”

Lúcio began fiddling around with his skates, which was incredibly difficult to do in a cloak. “I have something that will get us where we need to be in second. I don’t like to use it though. It’s… disturbing.” 

“How disturbing?” Mercy asked. 

“Have you ever seen Deviantart?” Lúcio asked with finality.

Mercy nodded, “Very disturbing then.” After looking at the now very small ship moving on the horizon, she said, “Let’s risk it. Don’t want to anger the Swiss.” 

Lúcio flicked a switch hidden on the side of his weird skates. “Aight,” he said, “I’ve turned all safety restrictions off. Time to go faster than the speed of speed!” Then, he pressed E. 

From the vision of a casual observer, say, Junkrat standing in the doorway after coming downstairs to get his usual 2am snack of shredded cheese tortillas, you would see Mercy and Lúcio literally disappear. There was no evidence of them even moving. They were moving beyond even light speed; they were beyond the limits of 21st century physics. They had literally become speed in its most literal translation. They had gone through distance, transcended time, and had become the fastest thing to ever exist. In a single moment, Lúcio traveled through every single possible location in the universe and through every time period that ever was or ever would be. To say teleportation was weak sauce compared to this was laughable. Teleportation wanted to be this kind of speed. It was so fast in fact, that you arrived where you were going minutes before you even left. And despite all this, when Lúcio and Mercy finally got out of the vortex, Rein’s ship was waiting for them, very much crashed into the roof of a Walmart.

“How the hell?” Lúcio asked, genuinely dumbfounded.

Mercy looked shell shocked. Her eyes were wide and her hands were in the same position they were when they had left. “I think I saw other lives,” she said.

“How the hell did they get here before us‽ WE WERE MOVING AT THE LITERAL SPEED OF REALITY!” Lúcio began screaming.

“Is it weird for me to say that I want to open a restaurant now?” Mercy asked, “After seeing all that I realize that life is too short to live in fear.”

“WE WERE MOVING AT 12 TIMES THE SPEED OF LIGHT!” Lúcio screamed at the top of his lungs. He looked at his watch and screamed even louder, “WE GOT HERE 20 MINUTES BEFORE WE EVEN LEFT!”

Mercy laid her hand on Lúcio’s shoulder, “The universe is small and time is even smaller. Reinhardt is allowed to break the rules.” She went into the front door of the Walmart to see what was going on. Lúcio just decided to leave, he had seen enough for one night. He was going to go to sleep and throw his degree in the trash in the morning. It was obviously bogus. And so, Lúcio left. 

As she entered the Walmart, she wondered why Rein would crash here. She hadn’t been outside long enough to determine if she was actually in Switzerland, so she didn’t think this was their end destination.

It turns out she was wrong. About many things, in fact. The first thing she was wrong about was that the Swiss military was all over this chocolate. Not even remotely the case. The people tasked with finding a hiding place for the chocolate decided it was safest in a really old Walmart desk drawer that nobody was going to buy. And so that’s exactly where they put it, and they just kind of left it there. Of course, nobody actually looking for it looked there at first.

She found Rein at the customer support desk trying to speak to the clerk who couldn’t speak English, and who could only speak German. Rein was having the darndest time, seeing as he doesn’t speak German. 

“Wheeeeeeere,” he asked very stretched out, as if that would make the clerk understand him, “is theeeeee chooooooocoolaaaaaate.”

“Reinhardt,” Mercy said, standing right behind him, “What are you doing here.”

“Oh Mercy! I didn’t see you there!” He said, turning away from the really tired store clerk. “I’m looking for the Big Boy!”

“Why would the prized treasure of my country be in a Walmart?” Mercy asked.

“Because it is,” Reinhardt said and turned back to the clerk to ask her again where the chocolate was in a language she didn’t speak. Mercy just decided to walk around the store, trying to look for the rest of the ‘Idiot Squad.’ 

It was actually pretty easy. Walmarts at 1 Am weren’t (and still aren’t) known for actually having any business, especially not people in black cloaks. Moira and Sombra had taken off their hoods and were looking through the produce section. When Mercy walked up to them and asked what they were doing, she got just about the same response as she got from Reinhardt.

“Looking for the chocolate,” both Moira and Sombra said simultaneously. 

“K,” Mercy said and then walked off.

She found Hanzo looking around in the office supply area. 

“Looking for the chocolate,” Hanzo said without even being prompted. 

“Why the hell would it be in the office supply section?” Mercy asked, who had basically given up on getting an actual response out of anyone that night.

“It is the last place anyone would look,” he said, shifting his hand around a dusty looking Walmart desk drawer. He felt something round in there, assumed it was a bouncy ball some weird kid had left in there, and almost left it in there before he realized that he was feeling foil. Now curious, he pulled the ball out of the drawer.

“Why am I even on this committee!” Mercy began yelling exasperatedly, “I could be asleep right now! And I’m always forced to go to the grocery store for things I’ll never find- and that’s the chocolate isn’t it.”

“Pretty sure,” Hanzo said. He turned the chocolate towards Mercy and she read the famous golden imprinting on there, ‘Belgrade Fantastico Big Boy.’ “It’s weird that it’s just in this drawer.”

Mercy had basically checked out at that point, so she didn’t really notice when Rein full body tackled Hanzo to the ground and took the chocolate running back to the roof where he had parked his ship. 

Moira ran up from the produce section and kneeled before a flattened Hanzo. “Are you alright my child‽” she scrasked urgently.

“I will recover,” Hanzo said. When Moira started to heal him, he said, “There is no time! Reinhardt is getting away with the chocolate! Go on without me!”  
Moira, not one to leave possibly billions of Overbucks™®, left Hanzo to be healed by someone else. Sombra saw Moira start running towards the ship and followed her. By the time they had gotten to the roof, it was a perverse replication of just a few minutes ago (although with the distortion of time going on, it would actually be a couple of minutes from then). Reinhardt was in a floating ship, standing outside of the door, and taunting them. 

“Hahahahha! I have the chocolate! I have the chocolate!” he screamed. “You lose!” he screamed louder, as his ship listed dangerously to one side. Unfortunately for Rein, holograms couldn’t pilot ships, and Soldier’s hologram was certainly a hologram. How he managed to take off in the first place is a question scientists ask to this day. The ship listed to one side and crashed in a blazing fire in the Walmart parking lot.

“Rip,” Sombra said.

“All that money...” Moira said, slumped over. “Gone!” she exclaimed as she put her hands in her hands.

“Yes,” Sombra said, “Sure is a shame we lost that chocolate in the fire and I didn’t hack it out of Rein’s hands before it crashed. A reeeeeeal shame.”

Moira got the picture, “What do you want for it.”

“90/10 split,” Sombra said, twirling the sphere chocolate on her palm.

“Deal,” Moira said and shook with Sombra to receive the chocolate. Sombra smiled knowing that she got a 5% increase to what she would normally get in Moira’s usual 95/5 split.

“How do we get home?” Sombra asked while walking downstairs again.

It was actually Mercy who answered. She had healed Hanzo to full health and had processed the night fully. “We could call an Uber I guess,” she said. 

5 minutes later they were all stuffed into the back seat of an Uber driving all the way back to Gibraltar. They rode in awkward silence, enduring odd looked from their Uber driver. He had never had to drive 4 people dressed as the grim reaper at 2 am before and he decided then and there that after he dropped them off he was quitting his job. 

When they arrived at Gibraltar it was 2:18 (their Uber was good, and his car could fly), and a keen eye could spot a ship flying in the night. They got kicked out in front of the Watchpoint front door at 2:24 and tipped the guy 20 Overbucks (which had an exchange rate of 1 Overbuck to 3 million USD).

“Do you still have the chocolate?” Sombra asked.

Moira took it out of the chest she had whittled on the way there, “Indeed.”

“Let us go then!” Hanzo exclaimed, knowing full well he wasn’t getting any money. He just wanted to have a good time with his pals for once.

“You do that,” Mercy said, “I’m going to bed.” And she walked away, never to be seen again (or at least for the next 8 hours. She had a Valentine’s dinner with Pharah at 5 the next day, otherwise she would have slept the day away).

Hanzo kicked down the front door like a Karate board and began running to the kitchen. Moira was following closely behind, flanked by Sombra. Their one duty was to protect a single piece of chocolate from people who might want it; for example, Swiss ninjas. Fortunately for us all, the Swiss lack the drive to train ninjas to protect their most powerful chocolate… for now. 

With Hanzo in the lead, they ran straight into the kitchen. It was spick and span, as per Torb’s standards. Torb was smart enough to remodel his kitchen without a door, because honestly, it got expensive replacing them when people just wanted snacks at 3 in the morning. It was really dark in there so when they saw the green boomerang shape in the dark, they immediately panicked.

“Oh no!” Sombra exclaimed, “It’s Swiss ninjas! Hide!” She turned herself invisible like a coward.

“No, no...” Reinhardt said as he flipped on the light. “It is I, REINHARDT!” he screamed (10,000 dcb). He was covered in seaweed and burn marks, as if he went in a straight line from Switzerland to Spain, but took a detour through the Mediterranean. 

“I block your path to the pantry! Your plan failed! Give me the chocolate or I’ll continue talking this loud for a while! Might even get louder!!!” Reinhardt practically screamed.

By then everyone in the kitchen had lasting hearing loss (including Rein himself), so the only reason Rein talking loud scared anyone was because people were asleep and it was rude to wake people up like that. However, Rein was immune to rudeness because he was old and served in ‘The War.’

“What will it be then‽” Reinhardt scrasked. At this point, the very atoms of the stainless steel kitchen began to crumble.

“Take it you great galoot!” Moira said, thrusting the box into his hands. 

“Haha!” Reinhardt said, moving away from the pantry like a fool, “I always win… Wait, there’s nothing in this box!”

But by then Moira had faded past him. The pantry doors were opened and Moira set down the chocolate. 

“NOOOOOOO!” Reinhardt said as blinding white light came out from the pantry.

 

Unfortunately, Moira wasn’t able to sell the chocolate to Ana. She had forgotten to have Hanzo also read the tiny asterisk after the word ‘wants*’ in subsection A-6. It read as such

Subsection A-6

All committee members are allowed to use the Overwatch budget to get anything that’s requested. After that item is procured and placed in the pantry or refrigerator, any person can do whatever they want* with that item, including selling it to others for OverBucks™®. OverBucks™®! We run a monopoly! 

*We (Ana and Doomfist) can do whatever we want with it first though, it is our money that funds you all, after all.

“That’s preposterous!” Moira screamed upon learning the news, “That wasn’t there before!”

Ana just shrugged and leaned in close to Moira’s ear, and whispered, “You forget, I’m awake at all times. And I can be everywhere at once. Next time you try and screw me over again, you’re getting a bit more than ‘two day’s grounding’.” Ana began to laugh then, tossing the Belgrade Fantastico Big Boy up and down into the air like a baseball.

“Outplayed,” Sombra said, quietly counting the Overbucks she had gotten for telling Ana about Moira’s plan on Discord before they got home. She clapped Moira on the shoulders and said, “Better luck next time auntie.”

In the end, Reinhardt did, in fact, get some of the chocolate. Ana split it in half and made it a little Valentine’s gift for the both of them.

Moral of the story: Reinhardt always wins… always.


	5. Ana Wages War on Disney

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey Gamers! Sorry about that little hiatus uwu;; We're back in business
> 
> TLWF2 Parental Figure's Day Special Chapter

We open our tale of woe on a fairly unassuming Overwatch bedroom. It has a normal queen sized bed, two bedside tables (each of them customized to the person who used them), an HDTV opposite of the bed, and a nice armchair in the corner on the opposite side of the room from the door. In that nice armchair, Mercy was sitting and scrolling through Reddit. It was 5 in the afternoon on June the 1st, and she had retired for the day to her room after a very eventful day in the infirmary (Winston had gotten his head stuck in a peanut butter jar again).

She was of course not expecting to have her door broken down, but at the same time, she kind of did. If Overwatch was good at anything, it was disregarding doors. Luckily it wasn’t another medical emergency; it was actually her wife, Pharah.

Mercy’s relief at seeing her wife suddenly vanished when she saw Pharah’s face. “Darling?” Mercy asked, “What’s wrong?”

“T-tomorrow...” Pharah said quietly before falling face first on their bed and screaming at a pitch that wasn’t audible to human ears.

“Tomorrow?” Mercy asked, poking Pharah’s shoulder. 

Pharah nodded as best she could face down on a mattress. “Tomorrow,” she said with finality.

Mercy tried to think about what could have been so horrid about June 2nd. National rotisserie chicken day? She didn’t think so; Pharah didn’t hate rotisserie chicken that much. Mercy decided that she didn’t know, and just asked.

In her most soothing voice, Mercy asked, “What’s tomorrow, Fareeha?”

“The worst day of my life… Parental Figure Day!” Pharah practically screeched. 

Parental Figure’s day was an odd holiday. It was set between when Mother’s and Father’s days were supposed to take place, and acted as the replacement for both holidays. The governments of the world just didn’t feel comfortable leaving out non-binary people and maybe misgendering people. So they all collectively agreed to let Tumblr decide when and where holidays would take place and what they’d be called; thus, Parental Figure’s day was born.

Mercy was confused, mostly because Parental Figure’s day wasn’t a holiday she thought of as very sinister. At worst, when she actually had a good relationship with her father, it would entail maybe a cringy present with a Baskin-Robbins gift card attached, and maybe an awkward hug, and all parties involved would be on with their day.

However, Mercy did want to understand her wife’s pain, so she persisted. She sat down next to her distressed wife and asked, “Why is it your least favorite day?”

“Mom-” Pharah said, “Ana, whatever… It’s hard with her. Hard to make it a good day.”

Mercy began stroking Pharah’s hair. “I can see why,” she said, “Ana is very powerful. Even as her daughter you must feel inadequate sometimes.”

Pharah got her face from out of the mattress canyon and looked up at Mercy. “God, I know!” she said excitedly, “And every year I feel like I have to put on something even more epic than before, you know‽”

Mercy looked at Pharah quizzically. “What makes you feel that?” she asked, full therapist mode online. 

Pharah rubbed the back of her head where Mercy was stroking and said, “I don’t know… I just feel like that’s what’s expected of me.”

“I’m genuinely sorry you feel that way,” Mercy said, meaning it. 

“So am I,” Pharah said, putting her head back in the mattress trench her face had created. 

They sat there in silence for a while. Mercy was just kind of looking around with her legs crossed, waiting for Pharah to speak, or for something else to happen. Unfortunately for her, the universe didn’t give her anything, and Pharah seemed to be dead (again).

Mercy shifted where she sat and asked, “So what do you have planned for this year?”

“I-” Pharah began. After a moment of genuine awkwardness from the Queen of Awkward UwUs herself, she said, “I don’t have anything.”

Mercy raised her eyebrow like ‘bruh’ and Pharah started stammering to explain herself. “I-I’ve been meaning to! I just… there’s been a lot going on,” she said, thinking of the new arcade that they had put in the basement and about how she had spent the past two weeks down there playing Ms. Pac Man instead of planning a party or something.

Mercy nodded. She was fluent in crises such as these, and had come to expect them as a member of Overwatch and as Pharah’s wife. She asked calculatingly, “What did you do last year?”

“Last year? Aw jeez...” Pharah said, trying to remember. “I think I planned a fireworks show and a human sacrifice in her honor. It rained that day so the fireworks had to be called off, and the human sacrifice ran away. Last year was a total farce!”

Mercy nodded yet again. “Then basically anything will be an improvement,” she said. She sat silently for a little bit. Pharah debated interrupting Mercy’s thinking process with more complaining, but she decided not to. Mercy was soooooo cute when she was concentrating (as well as at all times uwu;;;;;;). 

“Have you ever been to Disney World?” Mercy asked suddenly.

“U h-” Pharah said.

“I didn’t think so,” Mercy interrupted, not unkindly. She had known Pharah for a while, and knew what was a no and what was a yes (there was “Uh’s” and there was “Yuh’s” respectively). “We should go tomorrow.”

“With Ana‽” Pharah asked, surprised at both Mercy’s intelligence as well as her audacity.

“Of course,” Mercy said smiling. 

“I mean ok,” Pharah said. And they did just that. 

 

Walt Disney had Disney World built as a sequel to his successful park Disneyland. He wanted it built bolder/better/faster/stronger than the original, with hotels and a big ass ball called the E.P.C.O.T center. Most importantly, Disney built Disney World to last. In his own mind’s eye, Disney world was its own functioning city in it of itself, ever expanding and everlasting. This is why despite the rampant global warming, when the rest of Florida sank beneath the waves, Disney World stayed up. It was supported by millions of Minecraft pistons above the Atlantic Ocean and had “Hurricane-a-Way” spray applied once every 3 hours on every building.

It was still the most popular theme park in the world, and normally the line to get a ticket was 50 years long. However, Pharah said the funny A-word (Ana) and they got in no problem.

Ana was thrilled to be there. She had always loved Chunky Chuck (the mascot Disney switched to after M*ckey was accused of sexual assault) and had bought a CC hat and t-shirt and was wearing them around while she watched in awe as teacups spinned. Mercy had also gotten a CC hat, and was sipping on a Mike’s Hard Lemonade and trying not to throw up looking at the teacups going 300kph. 

Pharah was having a significantly worse time. Because she was a big strong gal, Ana and Mercy had left her to carry the backpacks; which really sucked because Mercy only packed sunscreen and it felt like Ana packed the whole Moon in her bag. She was holding up fine enough, but whenever they needed something out of their bags she was forced to stop and wait 40 minutes for them to get it out of the bag. For her troubles, Ana had purchased her a pretzel, which was kind of nice. 

They were going through rides at the magic kingdom like it was nothing. The lines seemed to part before them (they did) like the Red Sea before Moses. To Pharah, the entire experience felt like being spun around like a top and being faced towards a photo of Winnie the Pooh. When she finally stopped spinning she found herself on Main Street U.S.A facing the Disney Castle, and the statue of Walt Disney holding hands with Chunky Chuck. 

Mercy was looking at her watch. “It’s 8PM already,” she said.

“What‽” Pharah screamed, alarmed. She didn’t feel like they had had an epic enough time to justify a Parental Figure’s day well spent. “The sun isn’t even down!”

Mercy simply shrugged and said, “It’s June. The Sun isn’t in school anymore. It doesn’t have a bedtime.”

During this conversation, Ana sat there quietly looking at both Pharah and Mercy. She had a fun day. She’d always wanted to go to Disney World. She like the rides, the food, the fun; but she mostly was just having a good hanging out with the rest of the Amari family. But she could read Pharah’s mind, and could tell she felt distressed. Why hadn’t Ana ever told Pharah that she didn’t really care about this holiday to begin with? She didn’t know. Then seemed like as good a time as any.

“Fareeha, I’m flattered that you think so highly of me-” Ana began before being cut off. 

“OH GOD MOM I’M SORRY I DIDN’T MEAN FOR THIS DAY TO SUCK,” Pharah screamed, genuinely scared, “WE CAN STILL DO SOMETHING EPIC I PROMISE.”

“But-” Ana tried again, but was interrupted by Pharah running towards the castle in the distance. 

“What is she doing?” Mercy asked, drunk off her gourd on Hard Lemonades, but not showing it. 

Ana sighed, “She wants us to go to the top of the castle. She thinks it’ll be cool.” 

“Why is she like this?” Mercy asked, starting to walk after her wife. 

“I don’t know,” Ana said, walking alongside Mercy. “She must think I expect so much from her.”

“I mean, you did kind of harass her for 15 years to get a boyfriend,” Mercy said.

“True,” Ana said, “But that’s really the only thing I ever expected of her. She’s a good kid, otherwise. Besides, this holiday is only to sell cards anywa-” Ana was interrupted because they had suddenly appeared at the base of the castle, and she had just realized it. She kind of interrupted herself.

Pharah was at the base of the castle, waiting for them. “Come on,” she said, “From up there we can see the entire Disney Empire!” 

“Pharah,” Mercy said, “Listen to your mother for a seco-”

Pharah got even more frantic. “There will be fireworks!” she screamed, “M-making things up from l-last year! Come on!” And she rocket boosted herself 30 meters in the air (her normal 11.5 meters made more powerful by t e r r o r), halfway up the castle already.

Mercy, realizing that Pharah was at the exact edge of her Guardian Angel ability screamed, “Pharah! Come back!” and rushed after her.

Ana sighed. She didn’t like floating in public; it started worship parties that she didn’t feel she deserved. Yet she felt that if she were to follow Pharah, Ana might be able to explain herself; if Pharah allowed her, of course. She closed her eye and focused on the Divine Light that was stored in her. It came easier and easier to summon the older she became, only growing stronger with age. When she opened her eye, it was glowing a bright blue. The Will o’ the Wisps had formed around her and she began to float upwards.

Ana took her time coming up, hoping that Mercy would have calmed Pharah down by the time they had all reached the top of the castle. She expected that the top of the castle would probably just have a viewing room and maybe a gift shop (there was a gift shop every 1.3 meters in Disney World). She was not expecting to see an opulent suite the size of Winston’s lab, because honestly, she felt like the castle was actually pretty small.

The suite was covered in gold, Trump-esque. It was a long aurous hall will gold pillars going along it. At the end of the hall was a gigantic Chaise lounge, like the kind Mercy used to have, except much larger. Ana saw a giant robot lying languidly on the chaise, eating grapes with its weirdly human head. It looked like Mark Ruffalo in the Hulkbuster suit in Infinity War. 

Ana made her eye stop glowing, and the Will o’ the Wisps fade as she stepped into the gold hall through an equally gold tinted window. “Where are my children, robot?”

“Ah!” the robot yelled in a 1950’s American accent. “Ana Amari! So glad to finally meet you!” it said, while chewing on another grape.

“Answer my question,” Ana said coldly.

“Right behind you,” the robot said mirthfully.

What the machine said was true, they were right behind her. However, they were also tied up using rope and duct tape. At either of their sides were robots who floated at the waist and looked like butlers. Ana noticed this last: they were holding guns and were pointing them at Pharah and Mercy. 

Pharah and Mercy, despite being tied up in the middle of the Disney castle, actually looked calm. For Mercy, it was just a normal Tuesday. Missions usually started or ended almost exactly like this situation. She somehow got her hands free and was checking Twitter Dot Com. Nobody did anything about it because she wasn’t resisting. For Pharah, it was exactly what she wanted; an epic conclusion for the day. It would allow Ana to lay out a can of whoop ass and make it a memorable Parental Figure’ Day. While this was not exactly what she was expecting (a viewing room and a gift shop was what she expected), she was more than happy to be tied up with a gun to her head if it meant that Ana would have a good time. They were of course never in any danger, to begin with. 

Ana turned from them and looked towards the robot, who was still eating his grapes with his weirdly human head. “Why have you tied my family up, robot?”

Walt (Fucking) Disney rolled his eyes and said, “I wish you wouldn’t call me that. I’m Disney! The Disney. I have them tied up so that I can use them as blackmail!”

Ana raised her remaining eyebrow and calmly asked, “Blackmail? For what?”

The giant ass robot (that was apparently what Walt Disney had made of himself) stood up. He said, “Ah… to tell you that, I need to go to the beginning.” He started to do the funny ’Villain pacing while explaining their plan’ word. 

“I’ll skip over the stupid stuff; the universe was made, life came from the ocean, yadda yadda,” Disney said. “Let’s begin at Disney World, my prize creation!” He said this last sentence with a flourish from his giant ass robot arms. “I created Disney World to be, how should I put it, everlasting!”

“And you’re doing a great job at that,” Ana said sarcastically yet accurately.

Disney ignored her, “As I get into my 170’s, I realize that nothing can really exist forever...”

Ana read Disney’s mind and could see where this was going “Except for me?” she asked, raising her eyebrow even higher.

Disney spread his giant robot hands, smiled, and said, “Exactly! If I’m going to be perfectly frank, I want your power to run Disney World for the rest of time!”

At this point, Ana rolled her eyes. She was only 60 something and she had met more gods than Zeus at his horniest and most desperate. She was surprised that Disney had put her on such a high pedestal, but accepted it. She had her plan ready minutes ago, now all she had to do was act on it. 

 

“And if you don’t, you’ll kill them?” Ana asked.

“Indeed,” Disney said silkily, in that 1950’s accent that says ‘I’m a businessman trying to keep a business running, and it will continue running even if I have to kill 13.5 people to do it.’

Ana nodded. “Then you’ve condemned yourself to death,” she said.

“Wha-” Disney tried to say. He was interrupted by his decapitation. Ana had summoned a sword from her cloak and had thrown it at him in the time it would have taken to say ‘circumlocution.’

However, Disney had been decapitated before, and was ready. His head instantly regrew from the robot body, like a balloon. “K I L L T H E M!” Disney screamed in a fit of rage. The room turned a blood curdling red and thousands of Zenyatta lookalikes rushed out of doors that had suddenly appeared, all of them either holding (plastic) guns or wearing cartoon boxing gloves.

“Kids!” Ana yelled behind her without looking back, “Get down.” Ana did a backflip and threw two blew flames towards the tied up beings. They both did what they were told, and got down as quick as they could. The blue flames instantly destroyed both of the robots as if they were made of fondant or something. Ana landed between Pharmercy and cut them both lose with a small knife she had summoned during her flip.

“Get out of here,” Ana yelled, “I can handle them.” As Ana said this she threw both of her knives through at least 12 Zenyatta bots. 

“No chance!” Pharah yelled back. She threw the three backpacks they brought at the oncoming onslaught of robots. She then pulled out her rocket launcher, quick as a flash, and shot Mercy’s bag, which violently exploded because of the massive amount of aerosol sunscreen she had packed. It smelled like a Banana Boat suicide bomber.

Ana nodded. This entire exchange had taken place in a matter of seconds. Ana began to get in touch with the Divine Light inside her. In situations of stress, the Light was never far away. Her eye opened, bright blue light spilling out of it. Her eye tattoo also began to glow blue, and she began to float yet again. In a language neither Pharah or Mercy could understand, Ana uttered an incantation. From the core of all the robots, a small flame grew bright, and they all collapsed over from overheating.

Suddenly, Disney himself came out from smoke left by the sunscreen explosion, screaming very loudly. He grabbed Ana from her floating position and brought her to the ground. 

“Why, I ought to do it myself!” He screamed after coming to a stop with ana 2 feet into the floor. “Nobody ever works as hard as oneself, that’s what dad always told me!” 

“Not so fast, dickweed!” a very drunk Mercy said. “Are you forgetting about us?” she continued, placing her full damage boost powers on Pharah. 

 

Pharah did an epic mid air flip (like on a trampoline, except with a jetpack), and inside her weird Iron Man suit she pressed a button. “JUSTICE RAINS FROM ABOVE!” she s c re a me d.

“Barnacles!” Disney exclaimed before exploding very loudly. No resurrections this time, Disney. 

 

The Disney World fire brigade got to the fire about 2 minutes after the original aerosol explosion. They had the fire out within seconds; they used the entire force of a hurricane to put it out, after all. After the hurricane put out the fire, the brigade went in to see if they had to rescue anybody. They found 3 women, 2 of which had passed out from the fumes, and helped them to safety. 

They all survived. Ana watched over the two beans in the Disney infirmary. They had a doctor dressed in a Goofy costume and she didn’t trust him. He talked like Goofy too. That guy probably wasn’t a doctor; smh.

Pharah woke up 3 hours after the ordeal, and saw her mom staring daggers at her. She was at this point, too tired to be scared for her life, and accepted whatever fate she was handed. 

“Why did you chose Disney World of all places…?” Ana asked. 

“I thought it would be fun...” Pharah responded in the dejected voice people make when they know their mom is going to ground/murder them. 

Ana nodded, smiled and said, “It was quite fun. I enjoyed myself.”

“What‽” Pharah asked, in the confused voice of one who was given an extra 14 years to live on death row. 

“Yes,” Ana said, “This whole day has been quite the adventure. And you showed courage in the final battle; I commend that.”

“Then why-?” Pharah tried to ask. 

“I’m disappointed because you did this out of a place of fear and false expectation,” Ana said, full mother mode on. And seeing the fear on Pharah’s face, she said, “I’m not disappointed in you Fareeha, but in myself. I’ve put on such a show of making people fear me that it even affects my own daughter! That’s reprehensible….”

“Mom-” Pharah said. 

Ana put her hand up to interrupt Pharah. She wasn’t done talking. “I don’t want you feeling afraid of me Fareeha. I don’t want to make you feel afraid. I especially don’t want you to do things for me just because you’re afraid. It was bad parenting on my part.”

Pharah looked down and said, “I-I’m sorry for doing too much… I just thought that’s what you expected of me.”

“Oh Pharah,” Ana said, sitting down on Pharah’s bed, “The only thing I expect from you is love and greatness. Honest.” She said this last thing and pat Pharah on the back. 

“Next Parental Figure’s day, just get flowers,” Ana said with a smile on her face.

Pharah smiled, nodded and said, “Ok.”

They waited for another 4 hours for a very hungover Mercy to wake up so that they could all go home.


End file.
